Session 2: Wantas & Haftas

So much of our culture is focused on self-gratification, comfort, and self-care that it's easy to forget Jesus' call to go outside of ourselves to help others. It's easy to "compare up" and wish we could have what others have, but our faith reminds us to "compare down." No matter how little we have or how difficult our lives are, there will always be people who have less or are worse off than us. Intentionally helping others can put our situation in a better perspective, make us more grateful, and grow our compassion. Of course, the point isn't about serving others to feel better (although that's often a side benefit) but about serving others because Jesus said that whatever we do for the least of our brothers and sisters, we do for him.

Brainstorm what you might do as a family and/or research what age-appropriate volunteer or service opportunities you can do together. Choose one organization in your area that you want to support and commit to volunteering there regularly. Or, as a family, compile a list of several places and take turns trying them out. "Ok, Josh gets to pick the place this month and wants to do a beach clean-up. Next month, Kai wants us to serve a meal at the homeless center, so we'll do that next…" Start with what will be a reasonable commitment for your family. Ideally, you might wish you could volunteer at the same place at the same time every week or month, but that might not be realistic. If not, consider finding Advent or Lent service opportunities every year so the kids will think of them as giving seasons.

It's a valuable lesson for children to learn about giving monetary or physical gifts to those in need, such as buying a Christmas gift for a child on the parish "Angel Tree" or contributing to the Lenten Rice Bowl collection. However, as parents, we also have a crucial role in introducing our children to service opportunities that provide a human encounter or put us in a real relationship with another person. For instance, volunteering at a Christmas party at a shelter for women and children can help your child realize that the 7-year-old they are giving a gift to is just a regular kid like themselves, who unfortunately doesn't have a stable home. Similarly, serving a meal at a homeless shelter can help your child meet and interact with people who are Jesus in disguise. These volunteer opportunities may feel more uncomfortable or even scary than simply writing a check or picking up trash, but Jesus calls us into real relationships with poor and marginalized people. So, don't dismiss the possibility of direct human service, even if it feels daunting to you.

Children thrive on ritual, and bedtime happens daily, so it’s a great time to build in some sweet connection time. Although the lead-up to bedtime might be hectic or emotional, once kids are fed, bathed, and changed into pajamas, you can set a ritual in place to shift the mood into a sweet send-off into sleep. You can turn off the lights, or turn them down low. Perhaps cuddle with them on the couch and read them a Bible story or another book. Or you could climb into bed to cuddle them there (if you’ll fit!). If multiple siblings will happily snuggle together, let them, but if it will devolve into punching, keep them separated.

Try asking the same or similar questions each night. Some possibilities are:

• What were the highlights and lowlights of your day (or the “roses and thorns” or the “popsicles and poopsicles”)?
• Where did you see God today?
• How did God help you today?
• What do you need God’s help with tomorrow?
• What are you thankful for today?

Share your own responses to these questions as a way to model for your children. Of course, only share age-appropriate insights. For example, you probably shouldn’t worry them with details about Grandma’s chemotherapy. Still, your lowlight can be that Grandma is sick and not feeling well, and your highlight that excellent doctors and nurses are taking care of her.

Other ideas for ritual:

• Turn out the lights and light a candle. Snuggle in silence for just a minute or two (depending on children’s capacity for quiet).
• Give them a gentle back or foot rub as you ask about their day.
• Lay your hand upon them gently and say a brief blessing or prayer aloud. It can be a memorized nighttime prayer, or you can make up your own. It can be as simple as “I love you. Your mom/dad/grandma/grandpa/sister/brother love you. God loves you and will be right here with you while you sleep.”
• Give them a final kiss or hug.